1. She wants you to make plans.
Some do, some don't. Some like to be dominant outside the bedroom. Some see that as being controlling. It's actually listed as domestic abuse on some feminist websites.
4. She's a feminist.
You can't conceive of a capable woman who isn't from the sounds of things.
Well, good for her. Hope she enjoys her obese girlfriend and/or cat collection.
So don't bring her around your bro-y misogynistic friends.
God, no, nor my normal non-strawman friends either - there's no way I want this mad bitch meeting anyone I know.
She doesn't find their disrespectful, immature commentary amusing.
Of course she's lacking a sense of humour and derives what little joy she experiences from the ability to be offended by bloody EVERYTHING.
5. She won't put up with being dicked around.
You already pointed out she's a Feminist. Hatred of penises is pretty normal for that kind!
she doesn't have a minute to waste on your noncommittal ass
She's already planning out the divorce payments, I see?
15 UNEXPECTED SIGNS A MARRIAGE MAY END IN DIVORCE
Dating a Feminist, for example?
she'll definitely call you out on your shit
As a feminist, I expect nothing less; constantly nagging about every perceived imperfection and the firm belief she's a goddess and can do no wrong.
she might just throw a drink in your face
Which is assault, and Marie Claire is in favour of it - so long as it's done by a female, of course - Men are scummmmmmm!
7. She's not impressed by your band.
I. Don't. Care.
She can go hate somewhere else. Seriously, no man deserves this cunt.
8. She expects you to actually listen to her, not just stare vacantly at her face when she's talking.
9. Don't have dinner with her with your phone on the table.
So if I see a woman doing that - I can accuse her of not having her act together and bail?
A LOT OF WOMEN DO JUST THAT.
10. She wants you to call her.
I'd rather ingest my own faeces.
11. And if you do text, respond in a timely manner.
No. We do not owe women anything. If we don't text, it's probably for the same reasons women don't text us - double standard much?
12. She is not a commitment-phobe
Of course not; if things go bad, she will take you to the cleaners. She has nothing to lose and everything to gain from serial monogamy. Men, on the other hand, are only safe either in casual relationships or lifelong ones.
She makes unwavering decisions and can commit to a two-year lease in the blink of an eye
Which is how long it'll be until she calls the lawyer and discusses how they'll use false allegations of domestic violence to embezzle your property.
13. But don't bring her to meet your parents
Under any circumstances, unless you like having her shriek like a pod-person at your father. PATRIARCHY! YOU CIS-GENDERED SHIT-LOOOOORD!
14. Don't do dumb shit on social media, like post photos with other girls.
Jesus bloody Christ. She's nuts! We haven't agreed to any commitment and she's already deciding that we have to get rid of all our female friends. Run away! Run, while you still can!
15. She wants you to be spontaneous.
Oh right, the controlling bitch wants you to be spontaneous. There's no chance you'll be torn apart for not guessing what she wants you to do? You didn't butter her toast correctly? SHITLOOOOORD!
16. Do what you say you're going to do.
Because she sure as hell won't. Promise to love you forever? Sure, until she meets someone who is a step up. Her boss, that body-builder, maybe the cute girl at her Feminist meetings... she's already planning ahead. You didn't meet her needs (for infidelity) - it's all your fault!
You should also check out
of that relationship, and delete her number - then burn the sim card, and sprinkle holy water on the remains. Then move continents, get plastic surgery, and wear a hijab for the rest of your life... because that crazy bitch doesn't handle rejection easily!
You think it was bad because she splashed a drink on you for having female friends? Mate, you don't want to know what she did to her last boyfriend!